What is the funniest thing a noob/beginner has said to you?

[AustinK]

I will start with what i heard today.

This guy at school thinks hes hot stuff on guitar. You know the type, they transport their acoustic around campus without a gigbag so everyone can see it. So my friend said that "MR. Cool" was trying to act cool saying that he was working on pinch harmonics :roll: . Today i asked him if he could do them yet and he said his guitar wouldn't work with pinch harmonics so for graduation his dad was going to buy him a PRG :lol:

Or two weeks ago i was teaching a lesson when one of my students friend told me that my parker was worse than his epiphone sg starter because it has 2 toggle switches.

Lets hear your

 

[mikey383]

I had a dude tell me his SS Crate 2x12 combo was way better than my Dual Recto halfstack once.

I came home from the bar at 2 am one morning a few years ago, and I couldn't go to sleep because the guys (mid 30's) down the street were playing their guitar so loudly I could hear it a block away. So I walked down the street, knocked on the door, and told them I heard them playing, and asked if I could come in. This long-haired redneck is in there playing Skynard horribly...like he just learned how to play, so I walked up to him and asked if I could play his guitar for a moment.

He looks at me, looks at his guitar, and reluctantly hands it over, telling me to "be careful with his baby...he paid a bunch of money for it, it was very valuable, and played like a dream." It was a Squire Strat.

Anyway, I proceeded to fiddle around with it for a minute, then just started shredding out a fast solo on it for about 3 minutes, handed it back to him, told him it was alright, and bid goodnite to them.

Didn't hear anything from them for about a month afterward. :wink:

Yeah, I know. I'm a dick.

 

[mikey383]

Here's another one:

A buddy called me up, wanting to know if I wanted someone to jam with. I told him sure, bring the guy over. The dude comes over with a guitar case, and says he has a really nice guitar. He pulls it out, and it's some no-name brand that looks like the Japanese flag. He asks what I play, and I pointed to my LP. He says "You can't play rock with a Les Paul, they are only good for playing the blues" :roll:

He had only been playing for a few months.

 

[clutch71]

Here's another one:

A buddy called me up, wanting to know if I wanted someone to jam with. I told him sure, bring the guy over. The dude comes over with a guitar case, and says he has a really nice guitar. He pulls it out, and it's some no-name brand that looks like the Japanese flag. He asks what I play, and I pointed to my LP. He says "You can't play rock with a Les Paul, they are only good for playing the blues" :roll:

He had only been playing for a few months.

What closet did that guy live! Just about anyone who is anyone from Rock to Metal has used a Les Paul! I hope you told him to take his Loudness model guitar and pound sand!

 

[RR]

I was teaching a friend (beginner / student) some songs on the guitar.

His brother comes up to me: "What so hard playing the guitar? 6 string 22 frets, it can't be that that hard. You wait when I get myself to learn, I'll play way better than you!"

This is the type of person who thinks he could fix or overhaul a car without prior experience just by reading the manual. Then once he has taken it apart he runs into problems, he quits. Brings it to a mechanic. But HE WILL NOT SURRENDER that he failed rather that he did not have the time.

He never thinks that getting good at something takes time, practice and experience. He thinks once you learned it once, you could do it again.

Playing a guitar is not like doing math problems. Just because you know how to add, subtract, multiply and divide, you could abandoned doing math problems for a while you could pick it up later.

You don't practice the guitar, your skills will turn stale and deteriorate. But of course you could get it back with practice. But if you never practice, you'll never by good.

 

[lesterpaul]

all good ones....I was teaching a local cat some stuff on how to break out of his pentatonic box, so I was using barre chords to show him some position relationships...we were playing ACOUSTICS, so when I told him to play an "A" barre chord, he said he couldn't BECAUSE you only do that on ELECTRICS
...well, the ol' lesson kind of ended there

 

[user 9010]

I don't know if I would classify this dude as a noob, but he was sure looking through a tunnel. He was arguing with me that heavy metal was the most difficult and complex music. . . period--to play, to learn, to understand. Now I'm by no means a snob, 'cuz I really dig metal (even saw Metallica's first tour with Cliff--dating myself) and heavy stuff like Pantera, etc. But I also like, listen, and play jazz and classical (or try), and they're by no means a stroll in the park, especially hard bop and really involved classical guitar pieces. I assumed he'd never really understood or listened to anything but metal. Quite alright,

but I'm just saying. . . :roll:

Also, in high school this guy I knew just started playing guitar. His family was loaded, and it was all about new gear and not about chops. He would taunt me with all the new toys his parents always bought him. Meanwhile I only had a beat up ole EKO hollowbody and a little Crate amp, one of the first ones when they still looked like a wooden box. One day he came up to brag that he just got a bunch of new pedals, including a RAT distortion, a wah-wah pedal, and a flanger--except he pronounced it like a clothes "hanger." I chuckled and never corrected him. He continued say it that way for about 6-months. What a dork!

 

[cvansickle]

Just go hang out at a Guitar Center for a half hour this coming Saturday. You'll hear a million of them - from BOTH sides of the counter!

 

[mikey383]

What closet did that guy live! Just about anyone who is anyone from Rock to Metal has used a Les Paul! I hope you told him to take his Loudness model guitar and pound sand!

No, I actually entertained him for a little while, until I couldn't stand hearing the chicken clucking sounds anymore. Then broke out the LP and showed him that it's not just a blues guitar in the same way I showed the redneck.

Freakin' noobs. :roll:

At one of the bars I used to frequent, they had open mic night on Wednesdays. My buddy and I had just got done doing some 2 man acoustic stuff when this guy around 21 walked in with an acoustic and sat down on the stage. He played about 2 songs, and apologized to the bar because there was something that didn't sound right with his guitar. I approched the stage, and asked him if I could see it for a moment. He handed it over, I tuned it, and handed it back to him. I felt so bad for the kid that I sat in on a couple songs with him, just so he didn't make a complete *** out of himself.

 

[AustinK]

I approched the stage, and asked him if I could see it for a moment. He handed it over, I tuned it, and handed it back to him.

Thats great

Also i might add that this is one of the best: The same kid who thinks he is really good once siad that his marshall was better than my mesa :lol:

 

[Dead Moon Rising]

After i got my first guitar for my 16th birthday, My friend went out and spent a $1000 on a guitar and amp. So i signed up for lessons and asked him if he's going to sign up for lessons too. he said he didn't need to becasue he took a theory course in 10th grade. I ran circles around him after a month, and he never even learned how to play.

Another guy i used to work with said there's no tonal differance between a Bolt-on and Set-neck guitar.

When i was an amp tech a guy came in with an amp that was blown. he had taped the speaker wires of his amp to the speaker of a combo and tried to play theu both amps at the same time. And couldn't understand what happened. we told him "DO NOT DO THAT" and he came back a month later after doing it again.

After i said that "my Triaxis reveals more of the different tonal colors between my different guitars, because it doesn't have as much gain as a head" My friend gave me a "you're stupid" look. ( he even thought his GT8 sounded better than my Mesa rig)

My personal fav happened when i told a guy i know about how great "Mastering Audio" By Bob Katz was. He looked at me and said "yeah, well books don't always make you smarter" :?:

 

[MetalMatt]

I was jamming in my garage with the door open one weekend. A few kids walk by, stop, then watch me play for a bit. I stop after a few minutes. They walk up to me and say hey. One kid commented on my bass, I look around completely confused not seeing a fish in sight.

 

[RR]

I was jamming in my garage with the door open one weekend. A few kids walk by, stop, then watch me play for a bit. I stop after a few minutes. They walk up to me and say hey. One kid commented on my bass, I look around completely confused not seeing a fish in sight.

:lol:

 

[phyrexia]

I try to block out all the noobs at work so I can still go in there everyday -

Ok here's one. We hired this guy once, he had a music degree, even. First day, I said "Will you grab me two jacksons, one a hardtail, one with a floyd rose, and bring them in here for me?"

He didn't say anything, just went out to get them, and two minutes later he came back in the room and said "What's a Floyd Rose?"

One guy came in and was badmouthing the Boogies (bad idea if i'm in a bad mood at work). He said he was endorsed by Diezel. I placated him for a minute, and then he asked to try a $599 Alvarez :roll:

 

[Herbie the Rad Dorklift]

An Ernie Ball rep told me a few weeks ago I can't have an EBMM John Petrucci BFR because they don't exist :?:

 

[MesallicA]

This guy at school thought his marshall MG halfstack was on par with my Dual rectifier, he said he could even make it sound the same if he wanted :roll:

 

[RR]

This guy at school thought his marshall MG halfstack was on par with my Dual rectifier, he said he could even make it sound the same if he wanted :roll:

You should have told him to bring his Marshall MG Half Stack over to your place or you go to his place. Bring a few friends, or he brings his friends. These friends will have their impartial opinions.

Your Dual Rectifier would make mince meat out his Marshall MG!


My friend thought he was all cool purchasing a modeling amp Line6. He was a bit bragging showing me the list of all the amp tones he could duplicate. Then boasting he could purchase an upgrade chip from Line6 when they come available for even more sounds.

We put it side-by-side with my Trem-o-Verb. All he could say: "Yeah, [my Line 6] not quite Dual Rectifier Tone."

The other friends that was with us later told me: "I did not want to tell Jason [friend with Line6], but that purchase of his Line6 trying to compete with real tube amps is a bust."

Two month later, Jason sold his Line6. Never thought about modeling amps ever again.

 

[dct]

Told to me by a music store employee/teacher:

1. A lady walks in the store around Christmas time and says, "My son wants a "lead" guitar. Do you have any "lead" guitars?" (Ya gotta pause when you say "lead".)
"No, ma'am. We're sold out of lead guitars. All we have is rhythm guitars."

2. Same employee/piano teacher:
A teenage boy is taking piano lessons. His dad tells the teacher that he (dad) could master the piano in about 2 weeks because he had excellent hand/eye coordination and he scored 2 million points in Space Invaders or some such game.

3. A fellow comes in the store and starts looking at guitars and tells the store employee, "Yeah, my brother plays. He plays lead AND gittar."

4. "How may amps does that speaker have?"

 

[Jhon]

I've been growing and learning professional recording engineer of sorts, in my home for the last ten years. I've been playing music in one form or another for over TWENTY years . . .

I had a guitar player for a band I was recording tell me "Dude, it's really COOL that your parents let you do all this down here!!"

I just agreed. It's beautiful to be knocking on 40 and still be this young. :lol: It made my day.

 

[Buddy]

I just agreed. It's beautiful to be knocking on 40 and still be this young. :lol: It made my day.

Thats funny , man .

A friend's nephew came by the house , while we were jamming on the back screen porch . Just wailing on some bluegrass tune in the metal style ....
Said : those Boogies need to be turned up before they have good tone ...
(I kept my mouth shut , well .. it was full of beer ) 3 people sang : "bulllshit ." in 3 part harmony . Yeah , I am blessed .
Fizzy beer came out my nose , soaked my guitar ....

I am poking 50 with a stick, myself .
It just keep's getting more fun .