I have come full circle

[EMGguitarist]

I just want to say, as a 21 yr old male in college who doesn't have time to play... I find all of your stories very inspirational and love hearing about you all finding that spark of passion again. It really is cool to me. Music has always been something all consuming for me. I don't spend every paycheck on it but I still stay in the loop as best I can, even if I can't hone my chops in like I'd like to. I just wanted you all to know its really cool to read about this and if any of you play in Atlanta, Id definitely love to come check out a show.

 

[djw]

Don't sell your stuff

I wish someone would have told me that a few years ago. Instead, my ex-wife was telling me she wouldn't divorce me if I did sell it all...but she did anyway. . . . . . . Music is something that will stay by your side, whatever mood you're in, however crappy it gets, and will never leave you unless you truly want it to.

Ugh, Mikey, dude, that sooooo sucks. I feel for you, and you're right: anyone who holds music over your head like that is not worth being married to -- they have bigger problems than you can cure.

That being said, it's really easy to say, "Hell, dude, just ditch the (insert misogynist slur here) and get outta there!" It's quite a different thing to actually be faced with the option of letting go of a material possession in order to possibly save your marriage. For all the macho posturing in that other thread, I'll wager most of these cats would beeline for craigslist in a heartbeat, particularly if kids were involved.

In my case, I actually half-heartedly threw the Gold Top onto the table as an option, knowing it was an insignificant token gesture given the circumstances -- it was already way past that, and I knew it -- but thinking about it now, I kinda wonder if she'd called my bluff if I would actually have sold it. I probably would have hemmed and hawed, and probably ended up finally saying, "Ah, uh, what if I sell something else instead?"

So, lesson numero next: DON'T offer to sell your stuff to save the marriage, in case your bluff gets called. THEN whaddya gonna do?

 

[mikey383]

Don't sell your stuff

I wish someone would have told me that a few years ago. Instead, my ex-wife was telling me she wouldn't divorce me if I did sell it all...but she did anyway. . . . . . . Music is something that will stay by your side, whatever mood you're in, however crappy it gets, and will never leave you unless you truly want it to.

Ugh, Mikey, dude, that sooooo sucks. I feel for you, and you're right: anyone who holds music over your head like that is not worth being married to -- they have bigger problems than you can cure.

That being said, it's really easy to say, "Hell, dude, just ditch the (insert misogynist slur here) and get outta there!" It's quite a different thing to actually be faced with the option of letting go of a material possession in order to possibly save your marriage. For all the macho posturing in that other thread, I'll wager most of these cats would beeline for craigslist in a heartbeat, particularly if kids were involved.

In my case, I actually half-heartedly threw the Gold Top onto the table as an option, knowing it was an insignificant token gesture given the circumstances -- it was already way past that, and I knew it -- but thinking about it now, I kinda wonder if she'd called my bluff if I would actually have sold it. I probably would have hemmed and hawed, and probably ended up finally saying, "Ah, uh, what if I sell something else instead?"

So, lesson numero next: DON'T offer to sell your stuff to save the marriage, in case your bluff gets called. THEN whaddya gonna do?

Yeah, it sucked big time. But, what do you do? :? A kid was involved and I gave in to her demands, but she had her mind made up before I even said yes to it. After I sold it all, she came up with other reasons why she wanted a divorce. When she mentions divorce, she's already got her mind made up - so she's going to do what she wants to do, and there's nothing you can say or do to change her mind. You might be able to delay the inevitable, but it's going to happen sooner or later.

 

[djw]

Yeah, it sucked big time. But, what do you do? :? A kid was involved and I gave in to her demands, but she had her mind made up before I even said yes to it. After I sold it all, she came up with other reasons why she wanted a divorce. When she mentions divorce, she's already got her mind made up - so she's going to do what she wants to do, and there's nothing you can say or do to change her mind. You might be able to delay the inevitable, but it's going to happen sooner or later.

Yup. You're stuck in a hard place, damned if you do or don't. Hindsight says, Stand firm. In the moment, it takes some seeeeeerious cajones to say, No deal. You have to really be sure you know what the hell you're doing. And in those situations, it's basically impossible.

What a gyp.

The upside is now you can play pretty much whenever you want, right?

 

[mikey383]

The upside is now you can play pretty much whenever you want, right?

That's right. I bought more gear, and got a new girl that enjoys it when I play.

 

[twostring]

I'll chime in with my place in this world...

I'm 25 and I'm just starting to really appreciate what I get out of playing the guitar. I haven't been in a band in nearly 5 years, but I've made some major purchases (my first being a '63 reissue strat and my last being a mesa roadster head and 2x12 cab and just last week an Epiphone Dot). I've learned to stop chasing quanity and work on quality. I've also stopped hanging out on forums for the most part, but I check in here from time to time.

Playing makes me happy, and I'll admit my gear collection is more suited to stage than home, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm moving on to another job now, and hope to collect a telecaster and a LSS soon as well. At that point, I think I'll just settle in and ride the tunes to 30 and see what happens.

It's great reading everyone's perspective on guitar, playing and life...thanks to all.

 

[brh34]

Thanks for sharing your stories. When I started this thread, I figured that I wasn't piloting this boat alone. You know what is ironic though? A very good friend of mine told me not to sell my gear due to ensured regret at a later date. I accepted his advice as novel, but disregarded it all the same. At that time, I really felt that I was moving on to the next chapter. Even my wife said not to sell it. I am not sorry for the decision I made, as it seemed to be the logical thing to do...and I was not in any way, shape or form forced into making it. However, I now feel educated about one thing for sure. I do love music, and just listening to it isn't enough for me. I am happy to be playing again, and it is kind of like seeing an old friend. For now, I do not intend on acquiring an arsenal of gear so I can play in 3 different tunings without boring a crowd. Rather, I will happily jam in my basement and take things as they come.

 

[djw]

I am happy to be playing again, and it is kind of like seeing an old friend. For now, I do not intend on acquiring an arsenal of gear so I can play in 3 different tunings without boring a crowd. Rather, I will happily jam in my basement and take things as they come.

Right on. Welcome back to the fray!

 

[cellardweller]

I may be a little jaded, but in my experience all women eventually expect you to "grow up" and start spending your money on yard furniture and driveway gnomes as opposed to tubes and strings.

2x loser that I am, I hope that my current girlfriend doesn't degenerate into this atypical feminazi! :lol:

 

[cellardweller]

For now, I do not intend on acquiring an arsenal of gear so I can play in 3 different tunings without boring a crowd. Rather, I will happily jam in my basement and take things as they come.

I was content there for a couple of years as well.... it didn't last :lol:

 

[CoG]

My wife is about to drop $22K on a '64 Steinway so now I can basically buy anything I want, forever :wink:

I'm 36 and had one fair and one good run at it in the 90s. I liked writing and playing but I hated doing media, networking, management, booking, the 90 per cent of touring time you spend not actually playing, all that stuff which is like 50-70 per cent of the 'job' of being a pro.

Now one of my old bandmates lives in the same city and we're going to do a record just for the hell of it without giving a **** whether girls in clubs will like it. I'm also backing a singer/songwriter type who's getting a release together.

Every time I start getting a little too ambitious I just remind myself how much I friggin' hate every part of the music business that doesn't involve writing or playing

"Have a good time, all the time." - that's what making music should be.

 

[konstantine RK]

40 and in a band

What else is there to say?



K

 

[avi8r2005]

This is a really cool topic. I think a lot of guys really relate to each other on this, especially those of us who are married and have to make the compromises with spouses.

My story is that I've been playing guitar now for nearly 20 years and it has always been my passion, never was a sports guy in high school, always found music to be more passionate for me. When I was 18, I got to play in a little battle of the guitarists kind of thing at a local bar, and out of 30 some guys, I pulled 3rd place. Most of the money I earned as a teen went to buying a truck and the rest, well guitars and amps. Being a huge Metallica fan, I bought a KH2 neck thru when I was in my mid 20's and that was really my first big ticket musical purchase. Move forward a few years and times got a bit financially strapped for my wife and I and I wound up having to sell all of my gear, including my beloved KH2, which of course, yes the regret set in and lasted for 7 years (there will be closure to that story in a bit). Anyways, after making a change in careers and getting out of the airplane business and getting into the petroleum industry, made a huge jump in my salary and my wife and I can finance our hobbies without having to worry about how this will impact feeding the kids for the next 2 weeks until I get paid. Back to the KH2. After being able to afford my passion again, I purchased a few lower end ESP / LTD's and Ibanez guitars, but just never fell in love with them like I did that KH2. After doing some clever sleuthing around the local guitar shops around home, I tracked down the current owner of the guitar. I had no idea who had it or if it even still existed around town, but as luck had it, it was still there. After telling my my sob story and how much it meant to me, he graciously sold it back to me. After that, I vowed to sell my wife and kids before parting with my gear again, LOL. From that point, I always wanted a Mesa and had some extra spending cash one weekend. On a whim, I tried a single rec and loved it, whipped out the old debit card and adopted it. SO there is my gear story of lost loves and reunited love.

For me now, being mid 30's, I still love to play and am more passionate about it now and my tastes have grown more eclectic. Coming home after spending the day in the office and getting to fire up the Mesa and ESP, what an awesome way to unwind. For me, now it's a hobby, but in my mind, I'm a living room rock star. As Tenacious D states, "You Can't Kill the Metal"

 

[jdurso]

Last year I made a decision that seemed prudent for my life situation. Mid 30s, a demanding career, 3 wonderful children (12, 6 and 4, all boys), a wife who has her own career that is very demanding and not an ounce of free time. In my basement collecting dust were:

3 Les Pauls (Standards)
Triple Ch. Dual Rec
4x12 Rec Cab
2x12 Rec Cab
Wireless
Pedals
and so on...

I sold it all. I kept an acoustic to mess around on, but all of my electric gear was sold. Anyhow, long story short...bad move!

I just recently purchased a Blackface 2 Ch. Dual Rec. of which was dated a 1992 with the help of some members of the forum in another post. Also purchased was a used LP Classic (previously owned one of these...the 500T in the bridge is a pretty beefy P/U), and a used 4x12 Rec cab (not sure, but it looks to be older as well). It all sounds very amazing. I am still experimenting with the settings on the amp, but enjoying every moment of it. I guess among this rambling I should come to a point. I used to live for playing music...bands, gigs, writing, etc. I don't have the time for that life anymore, but it appears that I am not going to be able to shake it all together either. Balance is the key, and I am glad to have come full circle.

no kids but i hear ya.... i did the same thing a couple of years ago but went to a vetta combo after unloading my triaxis/2:90, mesa 4x12, roland jc120, rack and floor fx..... i went from rocking on stage to the corporate stage and looking back i was always regretting getting rid of the best setup ive ever had.... which is why once i had the money treated myself to a roadster.... unfortunately i'm only 25 and think i gave up on playing out too quick to start a career.... but i cant imagine the decision of unloading all my year again when i start a family.... kudos to the guys (and girls if there are any on this board) who have made that sacrifice

 

[MesaNoobie]

Wow... just finished reading the entire thread, you guys are truly inspirational.
Cheers.




































PS: I won't sell anything

 

[NoGlassNoClass]

Inspiring so many of us lived and survived this. Had a great run during the 80s-early 90s until the band's politics, drug, and alcohol problems (not a hippocrite, I did it too), and finally an ugly divorce, brought a level of frustration where I said "f-it-all, this is not the life I want to live." I dumped everything. Three Marshall stacks, about 10 guitars (several of which were exceptional and irreplaceable instruments), rack system, pedalboard, and a full PA. Shoved my bike, clothes, and carpentry tools into an old pickup, and drove 'till I hit the ocean.

Got a new job, new girl, made some new friends, but it didn't take long to remember the passion for music that is a large part of who I am as a human being. FF to today...married that girl, got the job, mortgage, car payment, stayed off the dope and hard liquor, got a band, and started rebuilding my collection. Probably never have as much stuff as before, but I dont really want or need it. A few nice guitars, and amp or two, and a few pedals gets the job done.

42, still in a band, recording and gigging original music.

 

[konstantine RK]

Im 40

Never had a good run in a band because I cant put up with BS that well. Had 3 bands that made gigs or momentum but never had that original band.

I have a band now but my singer is a moron that cant shut up about how the band is run. Im 40 and he is 33. I dont have time to argue anymore so I will let him run this band and Ill just play guitar.

Pretty soon Ill record some music for myself to say to my grand kids....check this out and hand them a CD or whatever you use in that time lol.

until then dont you feel sorry for me .......

 

[highwaynine]

This has been a neat read. I'm 29. Seems like I've always wanted to play stadiums, but not to pay the price to get there (even assuming I have the skills necessary).

I've struggled with giving it up altogether...but I just can't, and my wife doesn't think I could and still be my whole self. I've been a mostly living-room acoustic player for a couple of years, and I'm really wanting to move out a bit. Thanks for confirming that you can have a viable band that plays out without sacrificing everything to the cause.

 

[vertigo_]

this is one of the best read.....in this forum!

 

[CGM]

I'm glad to see all these stories on here...makes me feel like I found my lost tribe. I'm 53, in a new band again, and will be doing this when I;m 80.
Mine is a long storie, much like the rest, but maybe the most interesting part is the story about one night when my girlfriend and I were fighting over my playing out all the time. She left angry, and I. ( drunk, I might add).....took my "82 american Tele. Sat it up against the porch railing...pulled out a snubnosed .38, and shot at my beloved guitar 6x. Well...I hit it 5 times. The last shot I swear I heard the strings rattle. I went over and picked it up , then plugged it in. She still played. At least the bridge pup did. The last shot went right into the neck pup.
A buddy of mine in the band replaced the pup and I continued to play it in the band up until about a year ago.It now hangs on the wall in my bands rehearsal room.
Now I play G&L's but nobody gives me any trouble about being in a band now. My new wife loves me and wants me to be happy....smart girl.CGM